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Encountering rejection, particularly when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. Someone is saying no, giving a definite “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started submitting manuscripts five decades ago, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and countless short stories. During the recent score of years, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have multiplied. On average, I face a setback multiple times weekly—adding up to in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections over my career run into thousands. By now, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. As, now, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: At this point, nearly each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a publication turned down 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers vetoed my manuscript before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents declined a project. A particular editor requested that I send articles only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, each denial hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? Why would editors be ignore my skill?
• Second, denial. Surely it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What can editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (often mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to see me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Precedents

Of course, I was in excellent company. Accounts of creators whose books was at first rejected are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and bid to star were rejected repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Then, upon arriving at my senior age, I achieved the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. Firstly, an publisher may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one in the pipeline, or just be contemplating a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my idea is not appealing. Or maybe the reader thinks I am not qualified or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my piece too fast to appreciate its value.

You can call it an realization. Any work can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Some reasons for rejection are always out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are under your control. Honestly, my ideas and work may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my grammar, notably dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a memoir, at older—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have featured in publications large and small, in local, national and global outlets. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no major hits, no author events publicly, no features on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more easily accept no at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the stings of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What